Ok, on to that dream I mentioned. Let’s see - where did it begin?

Oh, the kids and I were driving down a street in a neighborhood that we used to live in over two years ago. An informational bit for the story - two boys lived on this street, probably still do, that were in Patrick’s grade, with whom he had previously been friends. (This part is all for real, btw.) One of the boys he still ’sort of’ likes and one of the boys he can’t stand.

Ok, dreamland - it was Halloween day, we are driving down this street and we see many of the neighbors preparing for the evening’s goings on. And then we are absolutely amazed and extremely excited by what we see at one of the houses!

The man who lives there has used his ENTIRE front yard to construct a mini-haunted house with big, thin pieces of wood! It is so big it actually extends out into the street, but, only as far as a car would be if it were parked there. We could see him out there still working on it and we couldn’t wait until ‘trick-or-treat’ time so that we could check it out and have him scare us to death!!! We love haunted houses!! (For real - we do!)

So we drive on and continue to our house, all so excited! And we all wonder aloud, “How will we remember what street it is on?” (We feel as though we won’t be able to find our way back to it - huh? Dreams are so weird) So Patrick says, “We’ll just remember it’s on Joe and Stupidhead’s* street!” “Oh, ok! Great idea, Patrick!”

Next thing I know, I’ve got all of these extra kids with me. I know Kendulf was with us, and Kieran - and Kieran’s mom was there, but, then she wasn’t….odd. So he was not really even gonna be staying with me - he and his mom were just visiting me and next thing you know she’s gone…and I’m babysitting. Which is great, on my end, because I just love that sweet little redheaded pumpkin - I was just worried about her, maybe wondering why he wasn’t with her anymore. Or like maybe I was supposed to take him to her. You know that weird worrying that happens in dreams….(or heck! in real life, even)

So anyway, I’ve got my kids, Kendulf, Kieran, and a few other odd, assorted children. And next thing I know, we’re in front of my parents house - Daddy’s outside, urging me to be quiet and get those kids quiet because Momma is inside asleep.

Ok - next thing - we’re at my house - with all these kids, it’s very late at night, and it’s a school night!

(Did Halloween just get skipped?! ugh. dreams!)

So I’m trying to get the kids to go to sleep, and the big boys keep talking - and then I can’t get the toddlers to be quiet or even be still on their pallets in the living room where we’re all camped out. Then the big boys decide to go to the other living room to get away from the toddlers, I say, Fine! Just so long as you be quiet and go to sleep!

It was like trying to keep a bunch of noisy, bouncy kittens in a box! The two living rooms were separated by the kitchen - so I am going back and forth trying to shut everyone up….and I notice it’s 1:38AM!!!!!

DUN DUN DUN … In comes Mark…. (eeks, this doesn’t look good!)

Mark goes in to the living room where the big boys are to get them quiet - and the little turds had turned on the TV!! So Mark tells them to turn it off.

*brace yourselves*

Patrick: *very snotty voice* “Why don’t you turn it off?!”

OMG!!! I mean, OMG!!! This is not good!

I rush back in there, or - attempt to, so that I can monitor the situation by this grumpy dad and his raucously smart-aleck teenage son who must be smoking crack to talk to his dad that way - especially at 1:38AM on a school night - with a bunch of extra kids sleeping over!!!

And then some other kid gets in my way - shoving pillows and blankets in my face so that I can neither get by, nor see, what is happening!!

And then — nothing.

The pillows are gone from my face - Mark is gone - the kids are all quiet - just nothing….

O-kay.

Strange - and we didn’t even get to go trick-or-treating or go through that kick ass haunted house!

*names changed to protect the innocent - HAHAHA - and because I can’t remember what rotten name he called that other kid!!!

I know, I know

I’m so disappointed - I just saw it this morning - Patrick didn’t even tell me

He was out at the ‘bus stop’ (i.e. in front of the neighbor’s house) and he yelled to Sammie, who had gone out to get the paper….”Ask mom how many tardies I have in math” (math is first period)

What?!

So I went on the computer and looked it up and he has one tardy - tarnished our almost-perfect record!!! Bummer!!! As my kids, especially the boys, have never had anything close to a perfect attendance record!

But - to his credit - it is not his fault -the fault either lies with me and the rain, or the bus driver.

Two days last week we had bad rainy mornings and I like to take them when it’s raining (hey, I’m a new ‘bus mom’ - gimme a break! Besides, Patrick doesn’t want to stand in the rain waiting for the bus…they have to be at the curb) So anyway, the second day I took them, which I thought was Thurs, but, Sammie swears was Friday (which is why I can’t figure out if myself or the bus driver should be smacked!) - I remember telling him, “Well, you might have a tardy, but it’s ok, it’s not your fault and it’s for a good reason.” when I dropped him off — I just can’t for the freaking life of me remember what the ‘good reason’ is!!! It’s driving me crazy!

And — Sammie said one day last week the bus was behind schedule - when she got into her classroom - the kids were already finishing up their ‘morning work’!

So - either I (which would of course be extenuating circumstances, you see) or the bus driver, are to blame - not the boy - for once.

He was SO to blame last night!!! (in my dream, that is!)

Long, weird dream - Daddy was in it - Momma was ‘in it’ - she was asleep inside the house…..she had a background part — haha

next time, people, next time - you’re wearing me out!

Weird dream, to be continued….

What? You thought the Witch of the South was one of the good witches?

Silly, silly people.

No.

Not. even. close.

Ok, now - get over your shock, so we can get on with this, already…..

*******************************************

Oh, Wicked Witch of the South…..

Your lies, your deceit (redundant? I don’t care - I’m pissed), your hate

Your disgusting, nauseating hyperfocused self-love

Some days I’ve had so much ‘enough’ of you, I can barely breathe

I never thought I’d run across someone who’d never taught anyone anything good

But - now. I. have.

You may possibly have shared some good information one time or another with me

But teaching anyone anything important - being real, love, hey, even God - nope. not there.

You have never ever ever even gotten close to going there

Oft I am sad for you…..not today

Today I am seething

This five-person clan I call my own - the very most important thing to me

I would do anything for them — and I did

And boy was I wrong

Looking at it from most angles, that is

I cannot fathom, at the moment - feeling it, but, I know I have said that it might not be all-for-naught

But logistically, logically (again-redundant? again-I don’t really give a shit) — it all looks like a fucked up bunch of crap

To think that someone would put a family on the line like that - is seriously disturbing

And for what? For what, really?

I honestly cannot tell

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

ugh

I’m beginning to think that is all that life is.

Yep! Mr. Lucky ‘Puppy’ is four years old today!!

My sweet sweet boy!!

The white paper stuck to the birthday sign is a picture Sammie made him with his name on it - you can’t see it in the pic.

And the cake - Sammie and I made for him - and then Grandma sent us home with a Halloween/Birthday goodie bag she had bought for him full of yummy doggy treats!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUPPY!! Mommy loves you!!

I miss you so very much today - it physically hurts.

I’ve reached for the phone several times to call each of you, but just considering dialing sets me off to crying again.

So you probably wouldn’t hear much out of me.

Mickey, Daddy, Scooter - Yes, of course, I miss you, too - but today I ache for my girls.

I was sitting at the table eating my lunch, looking outside at the beautiful day, enjoying the nice, cool weather…listening to so much more ‘wildlife’ than I used to hear….thinking about how nice it is here — and how nice it was last weekend when we had all the (ack!) in-laws over…and there were 15 boys and men out in the driveway shootin’ hoops together … and there were tons of cars all over our property…

But I was also thinking about how there’s just something missing in all of that, nice as it is.

And then I was picturing (completely - you know the actress in me - ‘be there!’) being at Mic and Tracy’s ….

in their beautiful backyard, and how lovely and comfortable it is there…

and then my mind wandered to the fact that people in our family say ‘bub’ sometimes, and isn’t it funny - because they’re not saying ‘bud’ — perhaps they used to, or do sometimes….whatever.

But then I HEARD Tracy say it! I heard it!

You know when you think of people and sometimes it’s hard to ‘hear’ what their voice sounds like in your memory…

Well, dude - I wasn’t even tryin’ - and there it was ….”bu-ub” you know how she says it when Scoot is about to do something wrong, that ‘warning - bub’…. tickling inside my ears - oh gosh, that set the waterworks again….

Is any of this making sense?

And is an ode supposed to be a poem or something crazy like that? Cuz this ain’t

I just miss my Momma and my Tracy and I can’t even bloody call ‘em to tell ‘em that

So I had to blog it

I swear, there’s something REALLY GOOD about this move - I’ve no idea what it is - but I can feel it….but, oh my holy bejeebus - it’s HARD!!!!!

And there are definitely more than a few things WRONG with this move! HA! That right there is fodder for a whole new blog - omg - you will be shocked and amazed - and I believe quite entertained….by all of that! Those of you who are lucky enough to be told where that blog lives, that is! It is gonna be one, long complainin’ blog - and one some would not want to read….

So anyway - Momma and Tracy ROCK!!! And if you ever live in a town with them - you should never ever never ever move away from them - trust me!!!

Ok that’s it for my blathering on - let’s see how this new beta thing rolls…